my first time (Guilt and Sin)

Isnt it odd how we always remember our first time? the significance of first time is written on a stone but for an individual is it not impossible that it may just be written on a piece of scrap paper worse yet, on sand by the seashore. we all have beliefs that govern us sometimes these are forced upon us to a point where believing them is not only a realilty but also a part of life we dread simple because these are standards set just so well all fall short of them. they are set intentionally in such a way we cannot do anything to work along them. For instance, I cant remember the first time i saw my youngest brother as a baby, but for whatever reason I cant seem to forget my first crush despite the fact that not only did he live far away, by right i shouldnt remeber his face. Or to think that i cant remember the date of my own father's fatal accident yet the first peck i ever got heck i could tell u the exact moment, location and time that evening lets not forget the words leading to that. but like i said it was just a peck on the cheeck. explain how that can top my father's fatal accident which by the way ended up with a car crushed beyond repair and his face bruised not to mention his legswollen. God's grace no one died. But I cant remember because there is that actual kiss after the peck i mentioned. ask me any detail, i'll narrate as though it is fiction. My first heartbreak, even that takes priority over my first exam scare. and oath not only to be safe but all but let anyone use or abuse me, I remember only bits and pieces of an oath that could send me burning kicking and screaming all the way to the devil but how could I forget my 9th first kiss?seriously?!! Perhaps our priorities are screwed up because of the things we go through, things that damage us and things that get in our way.think about, sin comes over us like a cloud. All our first times that we mention are things we know are wrong. did you ever hear a person making a fuss about the first time they prayed as child? Or the first time they made dinner? Or the first time they gave away something to charity? Its like a vicious circle we constantly do the same things over and over again until guilt doesnt capture us anymore, not because things became alright to do but that our conscience has given up on us. now can it get any more sad? Personally I think do a re-check when you feel conscience slipping away from you, its a ticking time bomb. This is when you find that the devil that dwells in you will justify every move you make in the wrong direction...but seriously my first time...it is ever such a memory? Not because of anything that happened but because of the guilt that adorns me.