my mistakes

When we were children, our mistakes were punishable there and then. We knew what would come immediately after our misdeeds, it bothered us but half of us only thought about for five minutes then let it go. Sometimes after this punishment we would only feel terrible for as long as the wounds heal.

I used to listen to the a song by Dolly Parton which had a caption "My mistakes are no worse than yours just because I'm a woman". For the longest of times i did not iunderstand what it meant. Or perhaps it does not necesarily have a universal meaning, like a painting you derive your meaning. From what I can capture and probably what i can testify, this meant that stop blaming me for everything just because i excuse you and forgive your wrongs does not mean i make bigger mistakes.Which is actually true. I noted in the last couple of weeks that if you dont hold somone to something they have done and b*&^% about it they tend to think it is nothing while when you apologise for something small it is magnified just so someone will have reason to scold you. So i wonder, what is my mistake really? is it that i have abig enough heart to forgive, or i build up the courage and swallow my pride to utter the meaningful words "I'm sorry" ? It is all a mystery. there are times when you feel like everything you touch turns into dirt you cant do anything right. Its painful when people rub it in your face but it is even worse when they do a roll call for all the other mistakes you have ever made.
But what about a mistake that is deadly and just stupid which for whatever reason you, a rational intelligent young person in you 20s or 30s find yoursef still making them to this day.By right they should not be mistakes but they are. And only you experiencing the situation understands why it is a mistake while the control does not get it. Take a person that falls pregnant and says it is a mistake, objectively you cannot agree but emphathy has it. Yes.!! It may just be. Sometimes we say in the heat of the moment this happened if the listner has never been in a moment so hot rationalisation is not within reach well I just wont get it.
Another mistake that you will surely get squandered for is, dating and perhaps laying a lot of guys, yes it is surely sinful and yes it is a matter knowing exactly what you want. Of all the people you have dated who came up and said "I'LL ONLY BE NICE FOR 2 WEEKS THEN I'LL BE A JERK"? i doubt even egomaniacs are able to say such a thing but evidently, it would be way better if they could. Because my "mistake" is going after something i want. If it does not seem to be working perhaps go ahead and look for one that works.
Our main short coming is that we tend to go for the same type person party girls or rapper bad boys over and over again we do the same thing evidently that does not work but is it wrong to hope that it would? Perhaps my mistakes define my thinking and decision making process perhaps my mistakes can be blamed upon someone or something even so these are my mistakes although they may have a ripple effect at the moment my mistakes are my moments of weakness they humble me.
Frankly depending on how big a mistake is rather have that than no life at all as Paulo Coelho says "Whenever we need to make an important decision,it is best to trust impulse and passion,because reason usually tries to remove us from our dream,saying that the time is not yet right.Reason is afraid of defeat,but intuition enjoys life and its challenges"