the Game of What if.

i am a master at it, i learnt it all by myself and my existence dwells in those moments of uncertainty and utter chaos, 'what if'' the question some people dread but i live for. what ever happened to understanding and clinging to the simplicity life can offer us. i'm never sure of why i want two things to play out against each other until the other has won. to stick it to the other and make my decision resound in my head and yet no matter how freshly cut, i as any other person wishing for more excitement that she can afford in her life, i manage to scrutinize my own decisions until i'm certain what i'v gone home with is not the right thing. why would anyone want a life like that?

i take thrills at dilemmas, i seek it out and put it before me for the fun of it. but i'll have you know the game of what if, is not an easy one if anything, it can be brutal, deadly even. between a kind soul and an exciting one, i would like a little of both but surely i cant get both, i of course do not want to choose, at this point, all i can say is the game of what if is not a joke. what is the point of having a kind person if they can not inject some life into your union, i must say it is like watching paint dry, entirely event less, what of the latter? well if someone is all about the adrenaline when do you get a chance to sit and examine things, talk and be still for whatever reason? what if you chose the family man over the exciting career guy you met at work? what if your ambitions are inhibited by the fact that your partner does not understand what you get up to? what if there is someone out there who does?

the game of "what if?" one of my personal favourites but it is not for the faint hearted and please do not try this at home. there are trained professionals for this one.