in a moment

when ideas come streaming when thoughts build up when time stops and life happens, its never over time its in a moment when you decide to take chance, to make a change and to follow your insticts. it is about knowing who you are, or how you perceive yourself. it is a moment of clarity where reason has vanished and all you can do is be you. it is a moment in time where giving is everything, not to the world, not to your friend but to yourself. it all happens in a moment where you are by yourlself learning to make yourself smile. it is not about selfishness but more about self fullfilment and self dicovery.

i made a moment in time where everything else mattered not and took a chance in life, stopped talking and made a decision not to reason but to leap and make things happen for me, for a story i will tell good or bad right or wrong, this moment was mine i will own it until death, because really it is just me that ran and fell stood up and made it happen. what a feel. what an exhilerating feeling? knowing you let the moment happen taking responsibility for the freedom of your soul, isn't that just a feeling of the world? a feeling where every step you took brought you to this moment? the moment where one can only wondr why moments like these don't happen more, a moment in time a significant few minutes, seconds, hours days.

it is sometimes surreal, but the moment you reach out to feel the presence of dreams and they are not there, then you know how much of this moment can elevate you. given time to appreciate that this is your moment, to indulge in the moment and make it bigger and even more, if possible, more surreal. this isn't to ask for moments that make us feel like heroes, but moments that give us hope yet humble us, our opinions, our view of life and our very presence. in one moment life can happen and you can either capture it or let it pass...what will your moment be?

when its over

you can't predict the end, not when the course of it is so smooth, you can't possibly avoid it not when u'r not aware, you can't make it better not when you're caught off guard. sometimes life hands you lemon after lemon and all you do is hope you lemonade skill gets better with time. with each heartbreak that for some reason i brought all to myself, i'v learnt that it is a lot harder when you had hoped more, and fantasized m0re and practically dreamt more, unlike if it hadn't been dreamy, had it been rational there could have been some control one can exercise. in a moment when things were perfect what makes one want to kick up dust and make noise? is it the way in which we've been weaved? or is it just one person's handicap? while some people spend their whole lives looking for the one, some find them and lose and find and lose until there really is no point in trying anymore.

its not always bad that its over, but sometimes the fact is no one could take the place of anyone else you've lost, they can't speak like them, they can't smile like them, they certainly can't love you like them. when one has been introduced to that kind of love, who has the right to take it all back? when you have let them love you, why do you want to hold back? don't all people make mistakes? if ever you said the wrong thing isn't the idea to see the good in people rather the bad? especially if one has professed love night and day. what drastically changes overnight?or is it gradual? what takes the place of the love you feel when a mistake is made, an error in speech? isn't the whole point of getting to know someone supposed to include the things they do wrong?

when its over the least of your worries is who gets the t.v, who gets the apartment, who hurts more. it is then that you realise you're bare to the world and have no clothing on, when you have to sleep in a wet pillow because really what transpired took you by suprise. you still don't know how to move on, you still miss the dreams you shared, the chuckles the kisses, the smell. it is then that you decide to either crawl back and beg for forgiveness or you pick up the pieces and move on. knowing you next step is vital almost as important as knowing your partner, her psychy his idea of weakness, her strong points, his way of thinking.

this is only if you feel its worth the thought, the work, the absolute mess of things, if you think its worth it, when its over, go back and start anew, dream new dreams and laugh at new jokes, when its over there is choice "to be or not to be" thats when its over...

my heart my mistake

the things that scare us are the things that are most likely to make us happy, when u leap you feel like it is worth it because u might just find a better life on the other side. it is like giving in to the unknown just so you find yourself happier or even more fulfilled, its almost like a mind game (i dare you to...) where one is blind-folded and trusting the guide to give the right and accurate directions. however we can never really know truly what is good for us until we have experienced it. sometimes it is easy to turn away from things because one can see the potential doom that faces them as consequence of these decisions. what about the less that gory ones?how do we protect ourselves from those?

fact is we all have to credit ourselves with mistakes before we can lead a mature untroubled life, we have to know not get burnt again because the first time around sucked, that no more playing with hammers and nails because the pain is nasty. time and again people ask when the time will be that the risk is worth it, truth is, even though some risks are more visible than others and advice can easily be dished out. sometimes it is better for us to make our decisions and suffer, if we have to, our decisions' consequences. it gives us a chance to retrace our steps know where we went wrong and know better when the time comes. and the time does come, when u have to prove to yourself that the other mistake was not in vain, to show that you have grown from that experience to show that you have matured from the heartbreak you suffered.

its been my experience that the one mistake we make is lust after the approval of people we idolise, when do we own our decisions?when do we get to protect our own heart when do we get to make our own mistakes? not for the second time or the third but for the first time? when do we make our very own master-piece of a mistake, one we get to look back on and say "had i not done that, where would i be?"

just us two

and as i had predicted he is standing there... his face lights up as he sees me. i'm amazed at the way his smile melts the clots of pain i buried with my broken heart. the most amazing thing i've found, about falling and staying in love is the feeling that is barely understandable much less explicable. it is that feeling that allows the two people to hold on to each other as though clinging to life itself, the kiss that is so needy and desperate that the words can't quite express and the dance of the stomach whenever the thought and even the presence of the other is registered.

finding a partner that gets you cannot be easy cannot be simple and cannot be careless, it is a process that works itself out no matter how desperate one is to d.i.y the manner by which love manifests in people's lives, romantic love, is different from couple to couple. the end result, the feelings are explained in different ways too. how about me? mine is the feeling at the pit of my stomach, that let's me know he is looking at me, he is thinking about me and he is longing for me. how do i know?because whenever i look up take a moment away from my work and glance over at him, there he is with his sky blues warmly looking at me as though i was the star he'd promised to follow as if he made a vow to make me insanely into him.

with every moment that passes i try to relive the conversation we had when he said "i love you" and with each stroke of that moment my knees crumble and my heart sinks when my whole body trembles, he is my sole focus and concern and while i might wonder in the night and go through thoughts that are forbidden to say the very least...he gets me and i him. whats left is for us to keep the promise, be "us" and only that never know what was but rather what will be.

the two of us function like a unit, like we were made for each other from each other like the very minute i was born he was assigned to me, could one be so lucky to have such a fitting in a partner?its just us two our love in our hearts and no logic in out minds just two people making their way through a maze of impossibility pain and war... us two me and you i couldn't have it any other way. i love that its just us two.