hard to say goodbye

If i should one day find a reason to say goodbye to myself, i'll have no reason at all to live. My enemy is simply my greatest asset. My being naive and being kind and ready to believe are the things that make me who i am, so again i say; if i have to say goodbye what reason have I to still call myself me. In a time where we give off our being to people who barely recognise our need to be ourselves, i find my mind wandering because deep inside i know that surely i'm not as cold and unfeeling as i have to make people believe. It is a protective cover for me but what about the people who deserve to know me how will they know who i am if i can't put myself out there?
It is not a weakness to be loving and to believe in romance and all the things that come with it. it is not silly to believe in love, to interpret a gesture in a way that makes you smile. What about the people who chip away at your heart everytime you show them a genuine piece of you? how does one protect themselves from them?
I want to believe that at one point in my knowing you, however tragic it ended, that you had once smiled at me with honesty and feeling. I hope that once you kissed me with all the honesty of an innocent child. that when you kissed away my pain you believed in love. and that it was all worth it for you when one day i smiled back at you with true happiness.
how then can i deny myself to re-live, to hope for more of those moments with you, with anyone else in the world. how do you rationally want me to give up my hope for another smile, to get over a kiss so tender so true, to not trust in a genuine heart, to pretend that love is less than existent. How do you expect me to say goodbye to the thing that makes me ME? Something that even i have no idea how to stop. I have to say,its hard to say goodbye to all my moments of pleasure, true unadulterated feelings that i don't reach out for because they are ready to come forth. i'll lean on my faith and i'll keep being the girl that never lost herself because its true, no matter who you where you are, what circumstances you find yourself amidst one will always find it hard to say goodbye to oneself. so this christmas, hope you remember its hard to say goodbye.