Memories

Do we torture ourselves with memories? Shouldn't we be able to let go of things that passed without tears? As i walked through the mall the other day i couldn't help but remember conversation after conversation i'd had with a lost love. The experience was in such a way music played as i walked around the spots we frequented. Of course the music was not background to my memories rather mall music but at the moment felt like soundtrack to this sad moment. It has become socially accepted to weep at the spots that once made you happy. What is it that we are following what is this pit are we falling into? I imagine there has been things more sad in the world than breaking up a budding love, why then has it become so hard for me to go to my favourite book shop and not keep expecting him to look over the shelf the way he did a few months ago? Why then have i been accustomed to shedding tears when a memory good as it might be visits? why have i allowed memories to haunt me and alter my life as i know it?

As i walked into a nearby Borders i felt the his presence, his smell i could swear his touch was not far off. I didn't particularly summon the memories they attacked and hit so hard i had to sit and think. I smiled and started laughing felt tender air brush against my skin and caress me i'm hopelessly at the mercy of these thoughts that follow me imprison me and hack at me until with my face in my hands i sob. Then suddenly the air seemed to disappear as though being sucked out from out of me and the sobs choked me as i desperately fought to breath. The memory takes me the same way everytime i walk into the shop and i keep wondering, why can't i remember my smile that day the butterflies and she soft blush of seeing a face i'd come to care for? why have i not been accustomed to dwelling in the happy memories as happy rather than twist them into sad limbo? when will i free myself of this memory or rather just claim it as one of my happy moments?

Why have i allowed myself to be enslaved by sadness? is it how society has moulded me? is it truly human nature? is it because i don't know any better? I hum a song, and tears come flooding down my cheeks my ears sting and a lump takes residence in my throat. Why am i allowing my mind to think of all things lost when all things gained are greater? why am i troubled when peace should be my constant companion now?why do things seem to fall apart when they should be stacking up as i build new soft memories that are just me, enjoying life and taking in the caress of the wind, kiss of the sun and the soft slaps and tease of the rain? i'll take my memories now and put them where they won't haunt me, take them out whenever i please and fold them back when i don't need them anymore. Memories... sad or happy i still own them they don't own me.