20years

I dream about writing a book, it will be something about love i think, nothing self-"helpy" i cant claim to know anything really so it will be about my experience. Something about not seeming desperate to the opposite sex. Yes some kind of guide of how i stopped looking desperate (yes there has been times when i felt my desperacy choking people) it would be simple and to the point, it would help women understand atleast several types of guys and then help them figure out to deal. And then maybe i could right about first loves (provided i can find someone worthy of being called that) how amazing it feels, the illusions etc. But what i believe is probably the biggest wish right now, is to right an experience book,
"In this 20years". This is probably every little girl's dream...or in my case young lady's dream. I think if i could right a novel about a strong relationship running for 20years i would have achieved more than i ever dreamt. Yes the illusions of the one and all the things that feminists say about men. But wouldn't one just love to find him. Not the perfect man or magic man but a man that fits in with me. There is teasing and laughing and just plain loving. i want that 20years. People tell me to concentrate on the now, and yes i would if there was anything to concentrate on (love wise) but i have learnt so much, (i did a self-acceptance course for crying out loud) and continue to learn things that make me (i think) a much better person than i ever thought i would be. This (fantasy) book would reveal how we met, why we clicked and perhaps how to spot the right man (for you) it would be inspiration.
To teach women is something that everyone tries to do, to control our minds and tell how to behave around opposite sex. What about how to enable him to feel comfortable around you with all these books in our shelves basically telling me to trick him and to hurt him and to turn him into my property.? No this book would be about the smile you share with him, the meals, the routines that don't even feel like routines because the two of you are comfortable in them, 20years would be like sharing a fussy feeling with every person that reads it. Without asking her to change and be me, but to allow someone who fits to find her. Thats what i want to see happen. 20years, can you imagine understanding that everyone has a different fussy feeling to share and there is nothing wrong with bringing home the bacon or letting him bring home the bacon. When capitalists still exist but somehow manage to stay out of our love.
Now what might not be clear here is that, its not a dream because i want to boast or to show someone up. The dream here is that there is nothing i want more than to find love and be able to keep it. Not lock it down.But have a love that is exactly that "love" in this 20years...